"Whenever I come back the air on railroad is making the same sounds."
I don't know why but it's been on my mind lately. Probably because it's been so long since I've had a really good one. You know, the one you anticipate for a long while and when it finally happens it's like a deep breath or a sigh of relief.
I guess maybe it's been bothering me because while I've kissed plenty of guys (not too many mind you, just...plenty) and I've kissed several others in the last year since him.... the kiss I never got still haunts me. It probably doesn't help that I still don't have closure and probably never will.
"The shop fronts on holly are dirty words (asterisks in for the vowels)."
My favorite kisses are the ones with stories. The ones you tell over again to your girl friends, even years and boyfriends later. And first kisses are usually some of the best.
"We peered through windows. New bottoms on barstools but the people remain the same, with prices inflating."
There is one particular kiss that has been my favorite so far. It was a first kiss and by far the most romantic kiss I've ever received.
"As if saved from the gallows, there's a bellow of buzzers and the people stop working, and they're all so excited."
Looking back I know that he planned it. And even though it didn't go perfectly according to plan it remains above all the other kisses because it was planned and therefore means more. I mean, don't get me wrong, spontaneous kisses are great and I've had my share of good ones. But it's just nice to know that your kiss means so much to someone that he would plan it so carefully. I guess you'll understand when you hear the story.
"Excited."
I had been crushing on this guy. We were pretty good friends though we hadn't known each other that long. And I didn't think of him in that way at all until one night he secretly held my hand while watching a movie at a friends place. From that moment on we started casually dating. We weren't ever "official" and the entire relationships only lasted a few months. And honestly it never really had a future because I was scared and didn't know what I was doing. But in those few months I was ruined by what a perfect boyfriend could be like. None before and none since have quite measured up. Which is funny because I never really loved Ian. We never said "I love you" to each other. And I've loved others much more since. But Ian was by far the best "boyfriend" I've ever had and like I said, we were never "official".
"Passing through unconscious states, when I awoke I was on the highway."
One night we had gone on a date and instead of taking me back to my dorm we drove out to some old train tracks. We spent some time walking in the moonlight, hand-in-hand, looking at the stars and talking about our lives. Afterwards we drove to the middle of a large field and sat in his car talking, holding hands, and listening to music. I hadn't listened to much variety before college and before Ian I'd never heard Death Cab For Cutie. I was instantly in love...with the band. Even now I can't listen to their old stuff (pre Plans) without thinking of him. He kept playing me some of his favorites and explaining why. And if there is one thing I love more than anything else it's talking about music and lyrics and how they make me feel and what they mean. Finally he puts on the song "A Movie Script Ending" and told me to pay special attention to the lyrics. If you aren't familiar with the song you can listen to it
here (<-- link). The lyrics are written throughout this post.
By this time he was awkwardly leaning over my lap (in the passenger seat - ha, another DCFC song) against the dash and passenger door. We were still holding hands and staring in each others eyes. And when the song ends he leans over....and replays it. He mentioned again that it was a favorite and I liked it so I didn't mind. After the 2nd time through he replayed it again. By this time he was acting a bit different as it played through. And he kept pointing out a single line each time through.
"With my hands on your shoulders, a meaningless movement, a movie script ending."
And on the fourth time through the song, on that line above, he leaned in, placed a hand on my shoulder, and kissed me.
"And the patrons are leaving, leaving."
When the song was over he didn't reply it.
"Now we all know the words were true in the sappiest songs. Yes, yes."
We let the CD play through.
"I'll put them to bed but they won't sleep. They're just shuffling the sheets. They toss and turn."
And play through again.
"You can't begin to get it back."
And we made out to a great Death Cab For Cutie mix.
"Passing through unconscious states."
One of the most memorable nights of my life.
"When I awoke I was on the onset of a later stage. The headlights are beacons on the highway..."
I'm just waiting for another guy to come along and kiss me like that. That will be special and 1000 times better than the meaningless kisses I've had recently. It's almost enough to give up meaningless kissing altogether...
....almost. :P
